Suffocation 3/4/09

So far most of these posts are things that I wrote a while ago, but I wanna get them out there before I start writing new stuff...
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I feel like i'd almost rather be in prison, then have these
thoughts in my mind, for i am a prisoner of them


When do second chances run out? Because i've already given away so many


I felt excited, then I felt unsure, my hearts sick of being on this roller coaster


If loving is the path to truly breathing, then I'm suffocating


I have not crossed your finish line yet, and i don't think i ever will,
so i might as well crawl back to my start.
When brokenness was unfamiliar to my heart


I should feel tired of making excuses for people who don't deserve them. 
Perhaps it's because I'm the one who doesn't want to believe the truth


you're like a roach, every time i try to squash you,
you find another crack in my heart to crawl back through


And it always leaves my heart more confused than the last time.
Apparently you're my bad habit and choice of drug. 
It's as if I continue to take a subconscious pill that has your name on it. 


I may be able to destroy you with my thoughts. 
But my mind and heart continue to fight with each other to bring you back.
You are blind and selfish, 
so I'm not surprised that you're unaware of the battle going on inside my soul,
and that you are the friend and the foe deceased, fighting against each other.


While I'm simply the heart that keeps fight for both sides,
for they are both you. one must die, if not both.


For this heart is tired of giving without ever receiving a reward.
I deserve a prince that wins the crown with strength, for me.


Not one that wins it with selfishness, for himself.
It's gonna come down to the end of the fight eventually.


I have a feeling that there will be no winner,
and that it'll be me kicking the dust to the side, it will be me to retreat.