Sitting up late at night, listening to your favorite songs.
I close my eyes and just imagine you hear with me.
I can hear my heart beating over the music.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
The more of you 03/28/11
The more I look at you, the more handsome you become
The more you laugh, the younger you become
The more you listen and share, the stronger you become
The more you hug me, the more you make me feel safe
The more of you, becomes the better part of me
The more of you, the more I love you
The more seconds that pass, the more I miss you
The more I think of you, the more I can't wait to see you
The more I can't wait to see you again, the more my heart wants to explode
The more my heart explodes with love for you, the more it will love you tomorrow
The more you laugh, the younger you become
The more you listen and share, the stronger you become
The more you hug me, the more you make me feel safe
The more of you, becomes the better part of me
The more of you, the more I love you
The more seconds that pass, the more I miss you
The more I think of you, the more I can't wait to see you
The more I can't wait to see you again, the more my heart wants to explode
The more my heart explodes with love for you, the more it will love you tomorrow
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Memories Vault
(A photo I took, Fort Worden)
We are here, at this place, this moment,
who was here before us.
If we could go back and tell them what would happen,
would they have ignored us.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Rebirth, '03
Wandering through the meadows of time
I then realize the essence of unwanted crime.
Tomorrow i'll go and fix my old woes
i'll bandage my sorrows, and pamper my toes.
The sun will shine, the moon will glow,
It's then i'll understand what it means to grow.
I'll take my insecure thoughts back to the start,
I'll bash them with a bat and re-bandage my heart.
My reality will dream, my courage will crawl,
I'll wander through my mixed thoughts and in the end stand tall.
I feel new again, strong enough to survive,
my soul is no longer lost, and I long to strive.
I then realize the essence of unwanted crime.
Tomorrow i'll go and fix my old woes
i'll bandage my sorrows, and pamper my toes.
The sun will shine, the moon will glow,
It's then i'll understand what it means to grow.
I'll take my insecure thoughts back to the start,
I'll bash them with a bat and re-bandage my heart.
My reality will dream, my courage will crawl,
I'll wander through my mixed thoughts and in the end stand tall.
I feel new again, strong enough to survive,
my soul is no longer lost, and I long to strive.
A Wrinkle In Time, 2003
(This poem is inspired by a young girl I met years ago during college)
A wrinkle in time is simply a lost memory,
my images fade from my new found remedy.
I'm lost in thought and all of my new found hope,
my bags are packed, I'm trying to learn to cope.
This life of mine is an endless circle of despair
I'm crying from the outside in, my heart longs to tare.
I reach out for a strand of hope, I weep yet my eyes feel dry,
vicious suicide wont help me now, I'm abused by him, just let me die.
I traipse around dragging my week corpse,
help me someone please, before my mind warps.
I gasp for air but all I can get is solid dirt,
my lungs wont expand, they only deepen with hurt.
My eye lids feel like led and my legs are now nonexistent,
I smoke my fears into a ball of persistence.
The sun's overcome by a black memory lost in time,
I feel like death, and I'm trying to fix the crime.
I'm invisible to all but myself, so once i've gone this wrinkle in time will bust,
lightning will hit my soul and my spirit will linger in the dust.
A wrinkle in time is simply a lost memory,
my images fade from my new found remedy.
I'm lost in thought and all of my new found hope,
my bags are packed, I'm trying to learn to cope.
This life of mine is an endless circle of despair
I'm crying from the outside in, my heart longs to tare.
I reach out for a strand of hope, I weep yet my eyes feel dry,
vicious suicide wont help me now, I'm abused by him, just let me die.
I traipse around dragging my week corpse,
help me someone please, before my mind warps.
I gasp for air but all I can get is solid dirt,
my lungs wont expand, they only deepen with hurt.
My eye lids feel like led and my legs are now nonexistent,
I smoke my fears into a ball of persistence.
The sun's overcome by a black memory lost in time,
I feel like death, and I'm trying to fix the crime.
I'm invisible to all but myself, so once i've gone this wrinkle in time will bust,
lightning will hit my soul and my spirit will linger in the dust.
The Road to You
I've camouflaged my thoughts
so my mind wont get confused
I've shifted my focus now,
my heart no longer feels abused
I've placed my feet upon the right track,
I'm in a spot where I no longer need to look back.
so my mind wont get confused
I've shifted my focus now,
my heart no longer feels abused
I've placed my feet upon the right track,
I'm in a spot where I no longer need to look back.
'You Consume Me' 1/24/10
I had a nice relaxing fulfilled 'me' day,
but my minds thoughts were still consumed by 'you'.
I painted with oils, and read novels like normal,
but yet every stroke, and every word didn't feel new.
I tried taking a nap, to have dreams of the unknown,
but I just laid there in a subconscious state of distracted thought.
In my thoughts I saw your face, a distraction of peaceful sleep.
I want you apart of my peaceful sleep, but unanswered questions is all your face brought.
I then picked up my book again to fall into a characters place,
yet still my thoughts of you drifted in and out of each sentence.
I tried over and over again to submerge into the story,
but no matter how hard I focused, the conclusion made no difference.
This is me taking off the invisible veil, I lay myself out for you to see,
no matter what I do I just think of you, you consume me, so I give you my hearts key.
but my minds thoughts were still consumed by 'you'.
I painted with oils, and read novels like normal,
but yet every stroke, and every word didn't feel new.
I tried taking a nap, to have dreams of the unknown,
but I just laid there in a subconscious state of distracted thought.
In my thoughts I saw your face, a distraction of peaceful sleep.
I want you apart of my peaceful sleep, but unanswered questions is all your face brought.
I then picked up my book again to fall into a characters place,
yet still my thoughts of you drifted in and out of each sentence.
I tried over and over again to submerge into the story,
but no matter how hard I focused, the conclusion made no difference.
This is me taking off the invisible veil, I lay myself out for you to see,
no matter what I do I just think of you, you consume me, so I give you my hearts key.
Suffocation 3/4/09
So far most of these posts are things that I wrote a while ago, but I wanna get them out there before I start writing new stuff...
____________________________________________
I feel like i'd almost rather be in prison, then have these
thoughts in my mind, for i am a prisoner of them
When do second chances run out? Because i've already given away so many
I felt excited, then I felt unsure, my hearts sick of being on this roller coaster
If loving is the path to truly breathing, then I'm suffocating
I have not crossed your finish line yet, and i don't think i ever will,
so i might as well crawl back to my start.
When brokenness was unfamiliar to my heart
I should feel tired of making excuses for people who don't deserve them.
Perhaps it's because I'm the one who doesn't want to believe the truth
you're like a roach, every time i try to squash you,
you find another crack in my heart to crawl back through
And it always leaves my heart more confused than the last time.
Apparently you're my bad habit and choice of drug.
It's as if I continue to take a subconscious pill that has your name on it.
I may be able to destroy you with my thoughts.
But my mind and heart continue to fight with each other to bring you back.
You are blind and selfish,
so I'm not surprised that you're unaware of the battle going on inside my soul,
and that you are the friend and the foe deceased, fighting against each other.
While I'm simply the heart that keeps fight for both sides,
for they are both you. one must die, if not both.
For this heart is tired of giving without ever receiving a reward.
I deserve a prince that wins the crown with strength, for me.
Not one that wins it with selfishness, for himself.
It's gonna come down to the end of the fight eventually.
I have a feeling that there will be no winner,
and that it'll be me kicking the dust to the side, it will be me to retreat.
____________________________________________
I feel like i'd almost rather be in prison, then have these
thoughts in my mind, for i am a prisoner of them
When do second chances run out? Because i've already given away so many
I felt excited, then I felt unsure, my hearts sick of being on this roller coaster
If loving is the path to truly breathing, then I'm suffocating
I have not crossed your finish line yet, and i don't think i ever will,
so i might as well crawl back to my start.
When brokenness was unfamiliar to my heart
I should feel tired of making excuses for people who don't deserve them.
Perhaps it's because I'm the one who doesn't want to believe the truth
you're like a roach, every time i try to squash you,
you find another crack in my heart to crawl back through
And it always leaves my heart more confused than the last time.
Apparently you're my bad habit and choice of drug.
It's as if I continue to take a subconscious pill that has your name on it.
I may be able to destroy you with my thoughts.
But my mind and heart continue to fight with each other to bring you back.
You are blind and selfish,
so I'm not surprised that you're unaware of the battle going on inside my soul,
and that you are the friend and the foe deceased, fighting against each other.
While I'm simply the heart that keeps fight for both sides,
for they are both you. one must die, if not both.
For this heart is tired of giving without ever receiving a reward.
I deserve a prince that wins the crown with strength, for me.
Not one that wins it with selfishness, for himself.
It's gonna come down to the end of the fight eventually.
I have a feeling that there will be no winner,
and that it'll be me kicking the dust to the side, it will be me to retreat.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Peppers Memoir
This is a memoir about a young girl I got the chance to talk with many times. She was drawn to me whenever she saw me, for no one else would give her the time of day.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Her life was a sad tale, and she wore it on her sleeve well.
He was old, and a complete stranger, he said all the right things to her that she didn't expect to hear.
And the words brought more than one tear.
The life she had as a child, left her scared to forever be one.
I could see that her smile hid so much.
She wore a locket around her neck that said 'Emily', but that was not her name.
And the picture inside it was of someone she did not know.
All she had to her name was $5 in her pocket,
that used to belong in the pocket of the girl sleeping next to her on the bus.
She had many faces that hid many memories.
She would speak of them, but only if you were willing to listen. And most people weren't.
Her real name, I'm still not sure if ever truthfully told me that.
I know her as Pepper.
She once told me of a pointing someone did of her. She said 'It took my tragic life to finally make someone listen, and to have them say that they'll always remember me.'
She found father figures everywhere, she said they made her feel safe and needed in the world.
She never mentioned the money.
I pray that wherever she is now, that she finds her place in the world.
At least one that truly makes her feel, and is safe.
People told me to stay away from her,
that she was crazy and only wanted to use me.
My heart told me that I was meant to talk to her,
if only if it was for her to feel what it was like to have a friend
I wouldn't have been surprised or hurt if she had taken from me.
She was a lost and confused soul, and I was the only one who took time to see through to her heart.
We are all lost souls in one way or another, or at one time or the next.
Why is it that the people who scream out for love and attention the most,
are treated as if they have the plague.
When we talked, I could tell that I had been the first real conversation,
that she had had in a very long time.
And when she cried, I knew that they weren't tears of pain,
but of hope, and gratefulness.
Sometimes all someone needs, is simply acknowledgment from one person,
that they are still alive, and that someone cares that they are.
When I think of Pepper, she makes me feel more alive,
She taught me how fragile life is, and how important and necessary it is to share it with one another.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Her life was a sad tale, and she wore it on her sleeve well.
He was old, and a complete stranger, he said all the right things to her that she didn't expect to hear.
And the words brought more than one tear.
The life she had as a child, left her scared to forever be one.
I could see that her smile hid so much.
She wore a locket around her neck that said 'Emily', but that was not her name.
And the picture inside it was of someone she did not know.
All she had to her name was $5 in her pocket,
that used to belong in the pocket of the girl sleeping next to her on the bus.
She had many faces that hid many memories.
She would speak of them, but only if you were willing to listen. And most people weren't.
Her real name, I'm still not sure if ever truthfully told me that.
I know her as Pepper.
She once told me of a pointing someone did of her. She said 'It took my tragic life to finally make someone listen, and to have them say that they'll always remember me.'
She found father figures everywhere, she said they made her feel safe and needed in the world.
She never mentioned the money.
I pray that wherever she is now, that she finds her place in the world.
At least one that truly makes her feel, and is safe.
People told me to stay away from her,
that she was crazy and only wanted to use me.
My heart told me that I was meant to talk to her,
if only if it was for her to feel what it was like to have a friend
I wouldn't have been surprised or hurt if she had taken from me.
She was a lost and confused soul, and I was the only one who took time to see through to her heart.
We are all lost souls in one way or another, or at one time or the next.
Why is it that the people who scream out for love and attention the most,
are treated as if they have the plague.
When we talked, I could tell that I had been the first real conversation,
that she had had in a very long time.
And when she cried, I knew that they weren't tears of pain,
but of hope, and gratefulness.
Sometimes all someone needs, is simply acknowledgment from one person,
that they are still alive, and that someone cares that they are.
When I think of Pepper, she makes me feel more alive,
She taught me how fragile life is, and how important and necessary it is to share it with one another.
Snack Time
'If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding, and how are you supposed to have any pudding, if you don't eat your meat!'
Questions
2009
Why is want so easily confused with the definition of need,
to the point where you feel like you need a metaphoric pill to cure.
Things in life that fill the void of that puzzle piece
the things that you feel will complete, yet the other half is unsure.
The substance that heals and tears apart the feelings never satisfy
we all know this for we have all been there and lost
everyone tries to pass the finish line with a strand of gold
allot of us do, yet for some reason that gold has turned to frost
Something that sticks, but for some reason should melt
it stays for good, yet it's uncomfortable feelings that feel real
they stick to the mind like unneeded band aids,
take them off and it just seems like they'd heal
You can always go on living thinking things will just happen the right way
it's not simple like that ever, can the answer have a price like $7.99.
sleep brings restlessness, being awake brings up too many questions
God tells the heart the truth, but it's hard to always pick out the right sign
A raindrop on the forehead can clear the mind, like a lion can tame a man
everyone has an oasis within ones soul, usually to never be told
water and water can go together, but when fire tries to intervene, it dries
the human organs are delicate, and the heart gets tired of being sold
A snake can be wrapped around ones neck many times over and over
the forbidden fruit has already rotted in one too many throats
each sunset is original, yet not every cloud can be seen by all eyes
all seeing souls have a different view of life, like the water with passing boats
The stars in one eye can twinkle on forever if it's the right eye you're looking at
bread is meant for wine, but that's not the story everyone learns
soul and mate are different words, is it often that they go together
minds think differently upon one another, that could be why the world turns
sometimes weight upon my shoulders crushes down upon my mind
the heart takes a thrust upon the eyes that refuse to see water
closeness can cure, but isn't always the pit of the chosen fruit
i sit there pondering and hoping, my stool begins to teeter-totter
I've been going through the motions, and questioning the questions
yet i don't think I've been asking the right ones, or the ones i need to know
the string has been unraveled, the end has yet to come
i know that within life i have yet many questions and many strings to sew
were it ends, it doesn't, only God can take us to that frightening tunnel,
no one is really willing to face, when it shuts the light off unexpectedly
darkness is comforting only for a second, the light blinds when we're not ready
when we think the tree is growing, sometimes it's drowning, sadly
It takes time to find where the cactus grows, there you will find your thirst
the caves cover the hidden hunger for lust, and become our drought
painted on canvases the wonders of our world, soil, water and sky.
We live in beautiful colors, within our own minds we are sometimes without
We understand what needs to happen in order to keep control of peace
friendship can last longer than you know when you try as hard as you can
it's never easy to leave a feeling you've thought of for so long
we'll see if these feelings have a strong enough gust to twirl back through the fan.
Why is want so easily confused with the definition of need,
to the point where you feel like you need a metaphoric pill to cure.
Things in life that fill the void of that puzzle piece
the things that you feel will complete, yet the other half is unsure.
The substance that heals and tears apart the feelings never satisfy
we all know this for we have all been there and lost
everyone tries to pass the finish line with a strand of gold
allot of us do, yet for some reason that gold has turned to frost
Something that sticks, but for some reason should melt
it stays for good, yet it's uncomfortable feelings that feel real
they stick to the mind like unneeded band aids,
take them off and it just seems like they'd heal
You can always go on living thinking things will just happen the right way
it's not simple like that ever, can the answer have a price like $7.99.
sleep brings restlessness, being awake brings up too many questions
God tells the heart the truth, but it's hard to always pick out the right sign
A raindrop on the forehead can clear the mind, like a lion can tame a man
everyone has an oasis within ones soul, usually to never be told
water and water can go together, but when fire tries to intervene, it dries
the human organs are delicate, and the heart gets tired of being sold
A snake can be wrapped around ones neck many times over and over
the forbidden fruit has already rotted in one too many throats
each sunset is original, yet not every cloud can be seen by all eyes
all seeing souls have a different view of life, like the water with passing boats
The stars in one eye can twinkle on forever if it's the right eye you're looking at
bread is meant for wine, but that's not the story everyone learns
soul and mate are different words, is it often that they go together
minds think differently upon one another, that could be why the world turns
sometimes weight upon my shoulders crushes down upon my mind
the heart takes a thrust upon the eyes that refuse to see water
closeness can cure, but isn't always the pit of the chosen fruit
i sit there pondering and hoping, my stool begins to teeter-totter
I've been going through the motions, and questioning the questions
yet i don't think I've been asking the right ones, or the ones i need to know
the string has been unraveled, the end has yet to come
i know that within life i have yet many questions and many strings to sew
were it ends, it doesn't, only God can take us to that frightening tunnel,
no one is really willing to face, when it shuts the light off unexpectedly
darkness is comforting only for a second, the light blinds when we're not ready
when we think the tree is growing, sometimes it's drowning, sadly
It takes time to find where the cactus grows, there you will find your thirst
the caves cover the hidden hunger for lust, and become our drought
painted on canvases the wonders of our world, soil, water and sky.
We live in beautiful colors, within our own minds we are sometimes without
We understand what needs to happen in order to keep control of peace
friendship can last longer than you know when you try as hard as you can
it's never easy to leave a feeling you've thought of for so long
we'll see if these feelings have a strong enough gust to twirl back through the fan.
Memory Implant
Written 11/11/09
I fear nothing of you, for you are merely my most inner imagination. You are my warrior and my lost soul. My inner most treasure that I must find within myself. Don't be afraid, or be afraid, for I am not a legend. Just a mystery and a question. If I'm a question for you, then maybe you should be afraid. For it takes no bullets to clear me from your mind. No, it will take much more than that. You can think of me cold or hot. It depends on how you want to remember me within your life. I can be a memory, an imprint, forgotten, or lost. But if I may choose, I can be an imprint of a forgotten memory implant... there for leaving me as, well, what I may choose,... lost, forgotten, remembered or imprinted. Imprinted hurts the most, because not only do you remember, but you also see the past which is the forgotten, and the lost. Therefor you are imprisoned with all that is painful to what you most want to forget.
I fear nothing of you, for you are merely my most inner imagination. You are my warrior and my lost soul. My inner most treasure that I must find within myself. Don't be afraid, or be afraid, for I am not a legend. Just a mystery and a question. If I'm a question for you, then maybe you should be afraid. For it takes no bullets to clear me from your mind. No, it will take much more than that. You can think of me cold or hot. It depends on how you want to remember me within your life. I can be a memory, an imprint, forgotten, or lost. But if I may choose, I can be an imprint of a forgotten memory implant... there for leaving me as, well, what I may choose,... lost, forgotten, remembered or imprinted. Imprinted hurts the most, because not only do you remember, but you also see the past which is the forgotten, and the lost. Therefor you are imprisoned with all that is painful to what you most want to forget.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)